I have just returned from an evening well outside my comfort zone - got talked into joining a conversational French class. It's really good said Sue, lots of levels, nice people, you'll enjoy it. Well, yes the people were nice, really nice and we did have a laugh. What she forgot to tell me was that the "all levels" started at A level French and rapidly rose to friggin amazing bilingual jabbering level. I am at kindergarten level. Even my 5 yr old granddaughter knows more French than me, and the 9 yr old was trying to give me a crash course in talking about the weather in French as I took her home from her dance class. 'Never mind Grandma,don't worry about it, they'll understand that you're very old and don't remember things from school in the olden days". That really cheered me up. Anyway, on the positive side I was not blackballed, so I get to go again to spend another evening even more bewildered than usual.
So that's 1 new thing tried, only about another 500+ to go in my quest to make a new life on my own. I wish I knew how i am supposed to act and where I fit in this widowhood game.I don't want to be a 'merry widow', I'm not looking for another man, I don't want to join one of the organisations for 'people like you' as someone put it to me, like I have a bloody illness i should be ashamed of or they might catch,and I don't want to be the spare part that tags along or worse still the parent one or other of the kids feel obliged to have around. So that's just a few of the things I don't want, but I'm not sure what I do want! I do know its a strange feeling for the first time in my life to only be responsible for me, no one else to consider.
Undeniably that has advantages. It can also be scary. One of the disadvantages tho is I have no one to bounce ideas off or tell me to just stop and think before I act impulsively on one of my whims!
Anyway,I will continue my musings on another day. Time to climb into bed and hope it is going to be one of those rare nights where I close my eyes, and as if by magic when I open them again its morning,and I get to climb out,plaster a smile on my face and get through another day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Jools, I found your blog via your comment on Frugal Queen. I love your writing, and I can't imagine living through the death of my man, but apparently it can be done. I do salute you, and not the least for taking up French conversation classes, because that sounds truly terrifying. However, luck favours the brave, as they say, so, 'Courage!' (just pronounce it the French way, and we'll pretend I'm joining in..)
Hello Jools
I too came to your blog via Frugal Queen and also wanted to say Bonne Courage. So much of what you said resonated with me and I hope you go on writing, I certainly enjoyed reading it
Hello Jools, I have also found you via Frugal Queen and have been in your position of being newly widowed. I have been on my own for 8 years now and it DOES GET BETTER, please believe me. Like you, I am Grandma and struggle to heat a house in the country, a multi-fuel stove helps me, the oil is ruinous. I have been trying to join an absolute beginners French class, U3A was not for me and the local education ones were too far away so I have stuck to singing in a women's singing group which is very free and easy and a fw other things they make sure I do not spend evry night at home, I am generally out 3 nights a week. Oh for some sunshine, surely that will help us all. Please carry on writing, you do it well.
Post a Comment