Today has been a pj day! I hit the brick wall that happens to me when I have been working 15 hr days every day for quite a few weeks - 7 to be precise - I suddenly decided I could chase my tail no longer. So all I've done today is change beds, make 3 soups, cook Ma's meals, run down and up stairs a minimum of 40 times to her,washing n ironing and move more furniture. So a lazy day off then.
We did have an interesting conversation tho,about the Strictly Come Dancing contestants. Do you know, says she in an incredulous voice, they get paid TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS to do that programme! Actually Mum, I think you may find it is more likely to be £250k. WHAT?? I though £250 was a LOT of money just to do that,they're only dancing. Not sure how many of the contestants would still be interested for £250 for the series, but maybe a few more people with my Ma' s values might be useful in public life!!
My new toy, Sophie the sewing machine has arrived! She is unpacked and sitting on the table daring me to thread her up and have a go. I do have to have a go and very soon, because yesterday my brain was totally in neutral and I appear to have signed up for a City and Guilds Foundation Course in Embroidery. Today it went into overdrive when the very nice lady rang me up to ask for my email address to forward my assignments to!! Assignments?? I can't even switch the bleedin thing on, yet alone tackle assignments! I thought I had stressed I am a novice with extreme novical experience, my only experience of Textile Art was at a class my friend had booked on, didn't like the look of and sent me in to do instead! Admittedly I loved it, but as we say around these parts that means nowt! Anyway, I start in a couple of weeks, and probably finish a couple more after that!
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Monday, November 4, 2013
My latest new normality
So then, here we are a month after my last post, another new normality to adjust to! Ma is now going to be a permanent fixture in my house/ life, with me looking after her. How lucky am I.
I have decided its best not to overthink or analyse how I feel about this, as the result would most definitely not be good for my mental health.
Conversations with Ma are unlike any I have with anyone else. We went to a disability aids shop last week to pick up a few things. I saw some lovely fur lined slippers I thought would be good for her. No, says she, I'm not trying them on, they do up with that sticky stuff and I want a zip. Let's just try them I say. What size madam? Asks the very helpful man. Well I'm a 4 so I take a 5 says she. The man and I look at each other, I shrug, he brings a 5. They're too big she says indignantly. That's because your feet measure a 4 I dare to suggest. But I wear a 5 she says. A heated discussion followed, a pair of size 4 slippers are ordered and the man and I go our separate ways to have breakdowns.
Of course, I have all the notifying change of address stuff etc to do, because running up and down stairs all day and keeping to a timetable with meals is not enough for me to do. One poor girl had the misfortune to speak to her on her mobile about her previous addresses. Ma couldn't remember the postcode etc,and when the girl continued to question her she told her to "speak to my daughter about these things, I don't know anything"!
We have now invested in a lightweight wheelchair that I can actually lift in and out of the car without nearly breaking my back. I call it Wally. Her zimmer is known by me as Gidgy. I get some funny looks when we are out and I refer to them by their names. Why not? People often give their car a name, so why not other pieces of kit?
Today was a beautiful sunny day after a crisp frost. We went for a walk along the Stone Jetty with Wally. Oh,she says, imagine living somewhere with all this on your doorstep to have a walk in. You do,I reply through gritted teeth.
I have decided its best not to overthink or analyse how I feel about this, as the result would most definitely not be good for my mental health.
Conversations with Ma are unlike any I have with anyone else. We went to a disability aids shop last week to pick up a few things. I saw some lovely fur lined slippers I thought would be good for her. No, says she, I'm not trying them on, they do up with that sticky stuff and I want a zip. Let's just try them I say. What size madam? Asks the very helpful man. Well I'm a 4 so I take a 5 says she. The man and I look at each other, I shrug, he brings a 5. They're too big she says indignantly. That's because your feet measure a 4 I dare to suggest. But I wear a 5 she says. A heated discussion followed, a pair of size 4 slippers are ordered and the man and I go our separate ways to have breakdowns.
Of course, I have all the notifying change of address stuff etc to do, because running up and down stairs all day and keeping to a timetable with meals is not enough for me to do. One poor girl had the misfortune to speak to her on her mobile about her previous addresses. Ma couldn't remember the postcode etc,and when the girl continued to question her she told her to "speak to my daughter about these things, I don't know anything"!
We have now invested in a lightweight wheelchair that I can actually lift in and out of the car without nearly breaking my back. I call it Wally. Her zimmer is known by me as Gidgy. I get some funny looks when we are out and I refer to them by their names. Why not? People often give their car a name, so why not other pieces of kit?
Today was a beautiful sunny day after a crisp frost. We went for a walk along the Stone Jetty with Wally. Oh,she says, imagine living somewhere with all this on your doorstep to have a walk in. You do,I reply through gritted teeth.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Two days in a row??
Not sure if this has happened before,posting twaddle two days in a row, but I've started so I'll finish as the saying goes. And now I Have lost my thread cos I can't remember the man from Mastermind name. And it will annoy me all evening. I really should get out more.
So today saw me take the Ma for a tootle out in the car. By the time I had got her shoes and coat on her, car manoeuvred to the door,zimmer in, followed by getting her in - not an easy task - I was ready for a lie down not a trip out! Magnus Magnusson,that was his name I think.
Anyway, off we go, she drives very well from the passenger seat, why is it always people who have never driven that tell you how to do it? She took her test about 8 times but still never passed. It's like people who watch sport on television with a running commentary about what should have happened. Anyway, I digress. I find that happens a lot these days, don't you? There I am thinking or talking about one thing and before I realise what's happening I change the subject. This is not really a matter of national importance you understand, cos to date I don't think it has made the slightest difference to my conversations. I put this down to the fact that I tend to mix with people who are like me, and they do it too. Do you ever have those times when someone gets distracted then says to you - what were we talking about and you don't have a clue? Then welcome to my world.
So, we go down to a nearby garden centre. She says she is not getting out of the car. I say ok, we'll just give these things to the friend I had arranged to meet and we'll go home. Do they have Christmas decorations she asks. Yes Ma. Well I want to see them. Fine,I'll go and get a wheelchair and take you round. I'll walk with my zimmer. You won't manage it, it's a long way. The exercise will be good for me. It's too far. I'll be ok. This will be worth seeing then, you've only managed 5 yards for the last month. Luckily as the doors open a lady appears with a wheelchair as if by magic, and befor she can protest she has her sitting in it and we are off! Now, I have to say, I wouldn't want to be pushed around in a chair by me - I am a bit erratic at the controls because I forget I am in charge of it, and I tend to be easily distracted by pretties and sparklies, but I managed not to destroy anything,including Ma. Not entirely sure that made it a good result, but never mind.
I have now forgotten completely what I intended to write about, I hope it wasn't important.
So today saw me take the Ma for a tootle out in the car. By the time I had got her shoes and coat on her, car manoeuvred to the door,zimmer in, followed by getting her in - not an easy task - I was ready for a lie down not a trip out! Magnus Magnusson,that was his name I think.
Anyway, off we go, she drives very well from the passenger seat, why is it always people who have never driven that tell you how to do it? She took her test about 8 times but still never passed. It's like people who watch sport on television with a running commentary about what should have happened. Anyway, I digress. I find that happens a lot these days, don't you? There I am thinking or talking about one thing and before I realise what's happening I change the subject. This is not really a matter of national importance you understand, cos to date I don't think it has made the slightest difference to my conversations. I put this down to the fact that I tend to mix with people who are like me, and they do it too. Do you ever have those times when someone gets distracted then says to you - what were we talking about and you don't have a clue? Then welcome to my world.
So, we go down to a nearby garden centre. She says she is not getting out of the car. I say ok, we'll just give these things to the friend I had arranged to meet and we'll go home. Do they have Christmas decorations she asks. Yes Ma. Well I want to see them. Fine,I'll go and get a wheelchair and take you round. I'll walk with my zimmer. You won't manage it, it's a long way. The exercise will be good for me. It's too far. I'll be ok. This will be worth seeing then, you've only managed 5 yards for the last month. Luckily as the doors open a lady appears with a wheelchair as if by magic, and befor she can protest she has her sitting in it and we are off! Now, I have to say, I wouldn't want to be pushed around in a chair by me - I am a bit erratic at the controls because I forget I am in charge of it, and I tend to be easily distracted by pretties and sparklies, but I managed not to destroy anything,including Ma. Not entirely sure that made it a good result, but never mind.
I have now forgotten completely what I intended to write about, I hope it wasn't important.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Just as I was getting into my new life........
So yet again time flies by and I forget I have a blog that I keep telling myself I will write musings in on a regular basis - and never do! But imagine my surprise when I found myself in t'interworld by accident again and THREE people had commented on MY ramblings!!! I tell ya, I was totally bowled over - as you can probably tell, I don't get out much.
Anyway, thank you very much to you all for your kind comments, it has fair cheered me up.
So where was I? Oh yes, I had just decided to get a grip, be positive, get out into the world - then wham! The next bit of reality comes along to screw it all up. My Ma is taken very ill and needs looking after - translated that is full on care, she can only shuffle about 10 yards with her zimmer and can't do stairs at all - and although there are 4 of us I appear to be the unanimously uncontested winner of the guess who is going to care for her competition. I'm not entirely sure there was a vote taken, but as everyone else expressed their interest or not as the case may be, and each conversation started with something on the lines of " well of course I'd LIKE to be able to help, but I'm far too busy" - you get the picture. I've always been the weakest link.
So, less than 2 years after the harrowing journey with my man I am back playing carer. I will now have completed the set. All 4 of the parents and a husband - does that qualify me for a badge of some sort do you think?? I said to my daughter should It be discovered at this stage of my life I was adopted at birth I don't want to know - I am NOT looking after anyone else!
So, there I was tootling along, getting out of my comfort zone, crafting days going well, lots of positive thinking and all that stuff, little business building up, when bizarrely, exactly 1 year from my launch event I have to put classes on hold while I try to assess what will be happening with this situation. It's a good job I'm already not quite wired up right, this could tip a sane person over the edge.
Anyway, thank you very much to you all for your kind comments, it has fair cheered me up.
So where was I? Oh yes, I had just decided to get a grip, be positive, get out into the world - then wham! The next bit of reality comes along to screw it all up. My Ma is taken very ill and needs looking after - translated that is full on care, she can only shuffle about 10 yards with her zimmer and can't do stairs at all - and although there are 4 of us I appear to be the unanimously uncontested winner of the guess who is going to care for her competition. I'm not entirely sure there was a vote taken, but as everyone else expressed their interest or not as the case may be, and each conversation started with something on the lines of " well of course I'd LIKE to be able to help, but I'm far too busy" - you get the picture. I've always been the weakest link.
So, less than 2 years after the harrowing journey with my man I am back playing carer. I will now have completed the set. All 4 of the parents and a husband - does that qualify me for a badge of some sort do you think?? I said to my daughter should It be discovered at this stage of my life I was adopted at birth I don't want to know - I am NOT looking after anyone else!
So, there I was tootling along, getting out of my comfort zone, crafting days going well, lots of positive thinking and all that stuff, little business building up, when bizarrely, exactly 1 year from my launch event I have to put classes on hold while I try to assess what will be happening with this situation. It's a good job I'm already not quite wired up right, this could tip a sane person over the edge.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Francais anyone?
I have just returned from an evening well outside my comfort zone - got talked into joining a conversational French class. It's really good said Sue, lots of levels, nice people, you'll enjoy it. Well, yes the people were nice, really nice and we did have a laugh. What she forgot to tell me was that the "all levels" started at A level French and rapidly rose to friggin amazing bilingual jabbering level. I am at kindergarten level. Even my 5 yr old granddaughter knows more French than me, and the 9 yr old was trying to give me a crash course in talking about the weather in French as I took her home from her dance class. 'Never mind Grandma,don't worry about it, they'll understand that you're very old and don't remember things from school in the olden days". That really cheered me up. Anyway, on the positive side I was not blackballed, so I get to go again to spend another evening even more bewildered than usual.
So that's 1 new thing tried, only about another 500+ to go in my quest to make a new life on my own. I wish I knew how i am supposed to act and where I fit in this widowhood game.I don't want to be a 'merry widow', I'm not looking for another man, I don't want to join one of the organisations for 'people like you' as someone put it to me, like I have a bloody illness i should be ashamed of or they might catch,and I don't want to be the spare part that tags along or worse still the parent one or other of the kids feel obliged to have around. So that's just a few of the things I don't want, but I'm not sure what I do want! I do know its a strange feeling for the first time in my life to only be responsible for me, no one else to consider.
Undeniably that has advantages. It can also be scary. One of the disadvantages tho is I have no one to bounce ideas off or tell me to just stop and think before I act impulsively on one of my whims!
Anyway,I will continue my musings on another day. Time to climb into bed and hope it is going to be one of those rare nights where I close my eyes, and as if by magic when I open them again its morning,and I get to climb out,plaster a smile on my face and get through another day.
So that's 1 new thing tried, only about another 500+ to go in my quest to make a new life on my own. I wish I knew how i am supposed to act and where I fit in this widowhood game.I don't want to be a 'merry widow', I'm not looking for another man, I don't want to join one of the organisations for 'people like you' as someone put it to me, like I have a bloody illness i should be ashamed of or they might catch,and I don't want to be the spare part that tags along or worse still the parent one or other of the kids feel obliged to have around. So that's just a few of the things I don't want, but I'm not sure what I do want! I do know its a strange feeling for the first time in my life to only be responsible for me, no one else to consider.
Undeniably that has advantages. It can also be scary. One of the disadvantages tho is I have no one to bounce ideas off or tell me to just stop and think before I act impulsively on one of my whims!
Anyway,I will continue my musings on another day. Time to climb into bed and hope it is going to be one of those rare nights where I close my eyes, and as if by magic when I open them again its morning,and I get to climb out,plaster a smile on my face and get through another day.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
What a surprise!
Oh my goodness me!! There I was,messing around ont'iPad and suddenly my old - very old - blog appeared after I had tapped something or other! Well, I was all of a flummox - I think that's what you call it when you get to my advanced age - and decided to read it. Well,what a difference 6 years can make in a life. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry - I certainly didn't recognise the person who wrote it,but it must have been me cos the photo looks vaguely familiar and the incidents mentioned certainly are.
So I thought to myself should I restart rambling? As only me will read it probably its not really a very relevant question,but I think deeper forces are at work here and it has reappeared for a reason.
Lots of water gone under lots of bridges since I stopped blogging - and let's face it I was not a very prolific writer anyway.
Biggest change? Himself, my rock, has died. During our marriage he gave me some pretty amazing Wedding Anniversary presents,ranging from trips to the tip to a ride in HIS new shiny car. Well,he totally surpassed himself on our 38th anniversary - by being diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia at 2pm on the day.
What followed,until he died 20 months later was a nightmare I have no intention of writing about here. All I will say is that his leaving us has left our family and my world in particular, a very different place. His dignity and positivity through unimaginable awful treatments and where we spent long weeks and months at a time in isolation, were a very humbling experience to witness. His death just before Christmas 2011 ended 39years and 8 months of coupledom. We didn't do badly I suppose,given that when we got married,having only been acquainted for 6 months, I reckoned if we managed 5 years we would call it a success!
So,here we are, or rather here I am, 15 months on,still trundling on and SO in tune with Esther Rantzens statement that there is usually someone to do something with,but no longer anyone to do nothing with. But hey Ho,life does go on and somehow we have to find a way to get on with it. I would love to be all noble and say there are lots of people much worse off with problems, but as my Godaughter says when the end of her world comes [which it does at least once a week, you know the sort of crisis,broken nail,boyfriend not rung etc] - that doesn't help how I am feeling at the moment!!
Well,I am going to stop rambling on about nowt for now,this may not even publish,in which case I will be well hacked off!
Got classes to prep for this week - oh yes,in case anyone does see this - I am attempting to build a different life and one of the things I have done is start a crafting business. It's called PAPERDAYS. up to 4 people at a time come along from 10 - 4.30,get well fed and watered and make things in my very well stocked craft room. So far everyone seems to have a ball and many are now regular visitors. It's a win win situation,cos it gives me a reason to get out of bed and I get to bake cakes again,which I enjoy and my house feels like a home again for a few hours,with lots of laughter and fun. The downside is my creative talents have had to develop and expand and I have to pretend I know what I am doing and teach things,but so far so good - and hey,it's only real life.
So I thought to myself should I restart rambling? As only me will read it probably its not really a very relevant question,but I think deeper forces are at work here and it has reappeared for a reason.
Lots of water gone under lots of bridges since I stopped blogging - and let's face it I was not a very prolific writer anyway.
Biggest change? Himself, my rock, has died. During our marriage he gave me some pretty amazing Wedding Anniversary presents,ranging from trips to the tip to a ride in HIS new shiny car. Well,he totally surpassed himself on our 38th anniversary - by being diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia at 2pm on the day.
What followed,until he died 20 months later was a nightmare I have no intention of writing about here. All I will say is that his leaving us has left our family and my world in particular, a very different place. His dignity and positivity through unimaginable awful treatments and where we spent long weeks and months at a time in isolation, were a very humbling experience to witness. His death just before Christmas 2011 ended 39years and 8 months of coupledom. We didn't do badly I suppose,given that when we got married,having only been acquainted for 6 months, I reckoned if we managed 5 years we would call it a success!
So,here we are, or rather here I am, 15 months on,still trundling on and SO in tune with Esther Rantzens statement that there is usually someone to do something with,but no longer anyone to do nothing with. But hey Ho,life does go on and somehow we have to find a way to get on with it. I would love to be all noble and say there are lots of people much worse off with problems, but as my Godaughter says when the end of her world comes [which it does at least once a week, you know the sort of crisis,broken nail,boyfriend not rung etc] - that doesn't help how I am feeling at the moment!!
Well,I am going to stop rambling on about nowt for now,this may not even publish,in which case I will be well hacked off!
Got classes to prep for this week - oh yes,in case anyone does see this - I am attempting to build a different life and one of the things I have done is start a crafting business. It's called PAPERDAYS. up to 4 people at a time come along from 10 - 4.30,get well fed and watered and make things in my very well stocked craft room. So far everyone seems to have a ball and many are now regular visitors. It's a win win situation,cos it gives me a reason to get out of bed and I get to bake cakes again,which I enjoy and my house feels like a home again for a few hours,with lots of laughter and fun. The downside is my creative talents have had to develop and expand and I have to pretend I know what I am doing and teach things,but so far so good - and hey,it's only real life.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Long Time No Post
Well I cant believe I havent posted on here since the sun last shone in our neck of the woods.
I was a little concerned this morning because when I woke up I couldn't hear anything - no wind or rain lashing against the window. With some trepidation I got out of bed and peaked out of the curtains to find - the sun was shining!
This caused major panic as I rushed around the house opening windows and doors to let as much of it in as possible. Himself decided I had lost the plot completely and fully intended to have a bit of a lie in. I soon sorted that out by pulling the duvet off him and pillows from under his head and manically stripping them all to get the washing done so it could dry outside. Well, it is only July so you have to make the best of a day without rain.
I am reliably informed by himself that we are making good progress on the redecorating front. I have to say I feel this is just extreme optimism on his behalf. So far all I can see for all his huffing and puffing is one window sill undercoated, sunroom floor ( beautifully) varnished and first coat of paint on sunroom walls. When I commented on the painfully slow procedure I was told that it was all the preparation that took the time, but as I pointed out to him I do the preparation for dinner every night and he doesnt have to wait three weeks for the results.
We have been away for him to play at watching big boys toys at the Goodwood Festival of Speed last month. I am staggered he took over 400 pictures. I think he photographed every bloody car he saw, including the spectators. This is a man who usually has to psych himself up to take maybe one picture every couple of months! I stupidly pretended I was interested at first. I commented on the first few, glazed over for the next 100 or so and when I came to again he was up to about 380 and still going for it. It doesn't happen often, but I tell you I was lost for words. How can anyone on earth take all that many pictures of cars? And more scarily be able to tell you all about them afterwards. And still forget to pick up a loaf of bread......
I was a little concerned this morning because when I woke up I couldn't hear anything - no wind or rain lashing against the window. With some trepidation I got out of bed and peaked out of the curtains to find - the sun was shining!
This caused major panic as I rushed around the house opening windows and doors to let as much of it in as possible. Himself decided I had lost the plot completely and fully intended to have a bit of a lie in. I soon sorted that out by pulling the duvet off him and pillows from under his head and manically stripping them all to get the washing done so it could dry outside. Well, it is only July so you have to make the best of a day without rain.
I am reliably informed by himself that we are making good progress on the redecorating front. I have to say I feel this is just extreme optimism on his behalf. So far all I can see for all his huffing and puffing is one window sill undercoated, sunroom floor ( beautifully) varnished and first coat of paint on sunroom walls. When I commented on the painfully slow procedure I was told that it was all the preparation that took the time, but as I pointed out to him I do the preparation for dinner every night and he doesnt have to wait three weeks for the results.
We have been away for him to play at watching big boys toys at the Goodwood Festival of Speed last month. I am staggered he took over 400 pictures. I think he photographed every bloody car he saw, including the spectators. This is a man who usually has to psych himself up to take maybe one picture every couple of months! I stupidly pretended I was interested at first. I commented on the first few, glazed over for the next 100 or so and when I came to again he was up to about 380 and still going for it. It doesn't happen often, but I tell you I was lost for words. How can anyone on earth take all that many pictures of cars? And more scarily be able to tell you all about them afterwards. And still forget to pick up a loaf of bread......
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