I have just returned from an evening well outside my comfort zone - got talked into joining a conversational French class. It's really good said Sue, lots of levels, nice people, you'll enjoy it. Well, yes the people were nice, really nice and we did have a laugh. What she forgot to tell me was that the "all levels" started at A level French and rapidly rose to friggin amazing bilingual jabbering level. I am at kindergarten level. Even my 5 yr old granddaughter knows more French than me, and the 9 yr old was trying to give me a crash course in talking about the weather in French as I took her home from her dance class. 'Never mind Grandma,don't worry about it, they'll understand that you're very old and don't remember things from school in the olden days". That really cheered me up. Anyway, on the positive side I was not blackballed, so I get to go again to spend another evening even more bewildered than usual.
So that's 1 new thing tried, only about another 500+ to go in my quest to make a new life on my own. I wish I knew how i am supposed to act and where I fit in this widowhood game.I don't want to be a 'merry widow', I'm not looking for another man, I don't want to join one of the organisations for 'people like you' as someone put it to me, like I have a bloody illness i should be ashamed of or they might catch,and I don't want to be the spare part that tags along or worse still the parent one or other of the kids feel obliged to have around. So that's just a few of the things I don't want, but I'm not sure what I do want! I do know its a strange feeling for the first time in my life to only be responsible for me, no one else to consider.
Undeniably that has advantages. It can also be scary. One of the disadvantages tho is I have no one to bounce ideas off or tell me to just stop and think before I act impulsively on one of my whims!
Anyway,I will continue my musings on another day. Time to climb into bed and hope it is going to be one of those rare nights where I close my eyes, and as if by magic when I open them again its morning,and I get to climb out,plaster a smile on my face and get through another day.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
What a surprise!
Oh my goodness me!! There I was,messing around ont'iPad and suddenly my old - very old - blog appeared after I had tapped something or other! Well, I was all of a flummox - I think that's what you call it when you get to my advanced age - and decided to read it. Well,what a difference 6 years can make in a life. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry - I certainly didn't recognise the person who wrote it,but it must have been me cos the photo looks vaguely familiar and the incidents mentioned certainly are.
So I thought to myself should I restart rambling? As only me will read it probably its not really a very relevant question,but I think deeper forces are at work here and it has reappeared for a reason.
Lots of water gone under lots of bridges since I stopped blogging - and let's face it I was not a very prolific writer anyway.
Biggest change? Himself, my rock, has died. During our marriage he gave me some pretty amazing Wedding Anniversary presents,ranging from trips to the tip to a ride in HIS new shiny car. Well,he totally surpassed himself on our 38th anniversary - by being diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia at 2pm on the day.
What followed,until he died 20 months later was a nightmare I have no intention of writing about here. All I will say is that his leaving us has left our family and my world in particular, a very different place. His dignity and positivity through unimaginable awful treatments and where we spent long weeks and months at a time in isolation, were a very humbling experience to witness. His death just before Christmas 2011 ended 39years and 8 months of coupledom. We didn't do badly I suppose,given that when we got married,having only been acquainted for 6 months, I reckoned if we managed 5 years we would call it a success!
So,here we are, or rather here I am, 15 months on,still trundling on and SO in tune with Esther Rantzens statement that there is usually someone to do something with,but no longer anyone to do nothing with. But hey Ho,life does go on and somehow we have to find a way to get on with it. I would love to be all noble and say there are lots of people much worse off with problems, but as my Godaughter says when the end of her world comes [which it does at least once a week, you know the sort of crisis,broken nail,boyfriend not rung etc] - that doesn't help how I am feeling at the moment!!
Well,I am going to stop rambling on about nowt for now,this may not even publish,in which case I will be well hacked off!
Got classes to prep for this week - oh yes,in case anyone does see this - I am attempting to build a different life and one of the things I have done is start a crafting business. It's called PAPERDAYS. up to 4 people at a time come along from 10 - 4.30,get well fed and watered and make things in my very well stocked craft room. So far everyone seems to have a ball and many are now regular visitors. It's a win win situation,cos it gives me a reason to get out of bed and I get to bake cakes again,which I enjoy and my house feels like a home again for a few hours,with lots of laughter and fun. The downside is my creative talents have had to develop and expand and I have to pretend I know what I am doing and teach things,but so far so good - and hey,it's only real life.
So I thought to myself should I restart rambling? As only me will read it probably its not really a very relevant question,but I think deeper forces are at work here and it has reappeared for a reason.
Lots of water gone under lots of bridges since I stopped blogging - and let's face it I was not a very prolific writer anyway.
Biggest change? Himself, my rock, has died. During our marriage he gave me some pretty amazing Wedding Anniversary presents,ranging from trips to the tip to a ride in HIS new shiny car. Well,he totally surpassed himself on our 38th anniversary - by being diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia at 2pm on the day.
What followed,until he died 20 months later was a nightmare I have no intention of writing about here. All I will say is that his leaving us has left our family and my world in particular, a very different place. His dignity and positivity through unimaginable awful treatments and where we spent long weeks and months at a time in isolation, were a very humbling experience to witness. His death just before Christmas 2011 ended 39years and 8 months of coupledom. We didn't do badly I suppose,given that when we got married,having only been acquainted for 6 months, I reckoned if we managed 5 years we would call it a success!
So,here we are, or rather here I am, 15 months on,still trundling on and SO in tune with Esther Rantzens statement that there is usually someone to do something with,but no longer anyone to do nothing with. But hey Ho,life does go on and somehow we have to find a way to get on with it. I would love to be all noble and say there are lots of people much worse off with problems, but as my Godaughter says when the end of her world comes [which it does at least once a week, you know the sort of crisis,broken nail,boyfriend not rung etc] - that doesn't help how I am feeling at the moment!!
Well,I am going to stop rambling on about nowt for now,this may not even publish,in which case I will be well hacked off!
Got classes to prep for this week - oh yes,in case anyone does see this - I am attempting to build a different life and one of the things I have done is start a crafting business. It's called PAPERDAYS. up to 4 people at a time come along from 10 - 4.30,get well fed and watered and make things in my very well stocked craft room. So far everyone seems to have a ball and many are now regular visitors. It's a win win situation,cos it gives me a reason to get out of bed and I get to bake cakes again,which I enjoy and my house feels like a home again for a few hours,with lots of laughter and fun. The downside is my creative talents have had to develop and expand and I have to pretend I know what I am doing and teach things,but so far so good - and hey,it's only real life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
